It is 13th January 2016. If I say that date a year ago, I'd jerked on how long it seemed to be, how faraway it would take to get here. I tend to like things happen instantly or shortly, so 2016 would seem like forever to go. But here I am, living a life in January 2016, looking back in surprise as if I had blackout through the whole year, as if I miss out the big party that it got me like "what..? what happened with 2015?"
Holiday in December back then in Indonesia was bittersweet. I had my dull time when I was alone, and ended up chatting to someone who surprisingly happened to be one my life support that time.
"whats up?"
"not much I have dull time"
"its your mistakes"
"I know"
"no, really"
he ended up telling me to not live a boring life in my age and gave me a glimpse of how he deal with his past life getting through all the mediocre life, to the point he is now, a rich ass man who'd confidently admit that woman gathers him like bees on honey. Yeah he is sort of that man.
But above all that I was really happy meeting my friends, high school squad, who happened to be so busy that we keep re-scheduling our meet up and ended up doing it one on one, or in incomplete team. But no matter how busy we were, we tried to bring up our promise back then in my farewell night, that we should celebrate new year eve together, empty our schedule because it will be just for us. So yeah we scheduled that. I filled my head with expectation of going all crazy with them that night, eating like a bulldog.
However, I felt like we kind of lost the excitement along the way.. Like there should be more excitement in the air. But maybe our spirits has much evaporated, tired, as time dragging us to the end of year. But I know we are cool, we were just kind of tired of our own personal shit. I know from each of them telling me their life updates back then, and me myself. So yeah we kind of through a lot.. more mentally. So I tried to subside my ego.
I went to Vaza's house by cab. So glad to see her again.
That night came. We went to market and had my pal's brother smashed his dad's car for mistaken brake for gas pedal. We went in and bought some ingredients and stupidly fall to our economist broke student side to choose cheapest meat offered in the shop. We had fun, laughed around the jokes about diet, failure, and stuff like that. Basically trying to cheer up by turning our shitty and insecure part into personal yet safe inside jokes.
That night, we planned to fill up our drama-like night to watch firework from Vaza's rooftop, so we got up the rigid stair one by one, and had to fill our lungs with endless laughter for having our friend cursing and making all helpless sound on the way top. But that happens to everyone so fair enough.
We canceled plan of staying up there and went back down. We prepared all things to bake, and make a lot of jokes about it. All same old shit like we had in high school, and I could not lie that I had to become one of their joke, because my weight loss 2015 resolution failed to 180 degrees. I had to pay my cocky bitching statement six months ago with being all fine with this. Actually almost none of us accomplished the challenge except Boy, the currently body builder.
2015 pretty much slayed the rest of us.
So yeah, we baked our food, and cursing on how gross the meat feels in our mouth. It's nothing like sate, it's more like eating cow's fat that you can feel almost no meat texture in your mouth. Price says it all, lesson's learned. But the rest is pretty amazing, and what mattered was not the set of new year plan we did that night. It was simply the presence of these people. The connection playing its part like we just met yesterday. like there was no months of doing our things separately as we adapted with new environment.
At 2 or 3 am, we made another 2016 commitment recorded. It was Dino's plan with his own self in frame, but he kept forcing me to be in frame as well, with my not so-ready commitment. I was at the point where I did not want to deal with motivation or wise stuffs or commitment or new year new me kind of shit. I was in the state of my deepest numb state, and lowest self-care. But yeah camera was on so I had to say something.
On 2nd January 2016, I got my flight delayed for five hours. We (Me and two of my roommates) changed our flight to 4 pm. My mom, who had become more clingy these past few days before I left, accompanied me to the airport with my brother. We (My bro and I) joked around in the car. Stupid jokes people would cringe as we'd laugh with our mouth wide open.
it was time for us to check in. So we went in and waved a goodbye.
After few hours, the airplane landed. I got this mixed up feeling about everything. About how things vanished so fast as I tap my feet on Changi Airport. the people and things I had in Indonesia seems getting more surreal. Indonesia and Jakarta itself seems surreal. But that's also what happened to Singapore in my mind when I went to Jakarta.
All things in past is so surreal.
Lisa, one of my Singaporean friend waited for us there and welcomed us with the warm hug and the word "I miss you". we went to our place.
We unpacked things. Few days after, I got this disease coming, it was a combination of sore throat and fever. I lost appetite. Things got in control within the few days of my sickness because I wanted to feel better. I thought this was my body reacting to the deadly eating habit I had within the past few months. I mean I had never been eating all proper, but the last four months were full of indulging and endless binge. No sane person would handled things the way I did.
I drank a lot of water and ate in moderation to shoo this disease away, I won't go to see doctor. Not here.
I know it's just year, it's just number. but one year is enough to reflect pretty much of things, how you handled shit, and how you progressed.
So.. 2015.
was a year I wish I could co back to, if not tidying things up, at least not screwing them.
2016.
I won't expect much, but I hope I can gather the pieces back up to face reality the way it is, and take care better of myself. I know things won't be easy in a blink of an eye, I know there is a lot of small steps I need to take to gather things back, I know it would take my patience and rob away my ego of instant result desire, but I hope I can get my first domino works fine.
in 9th January 2016, I woke up earlier for morning stroll and bring camera with me. This is the first time I ever got out of my place that early. Yeah first time in six months.
Have a great year ahead.
Holiday in December back then in Indonesia was bittersweet. I had my dull time when I was alone, and ended up chatting to someone who surprisingly happened to be one my life support that time.
"whats up?"
"not much I have dull time"
"its your mistakes"
"I know"
"no, really"
he ended up telling me to not live a boring life in my age and gave me a glimpse of how he deal with his past life getting through all the mediocre life, to the point he is now, a rich ass man who'd confidently admit that woman gathers him like bees on honey. Yeah he is sort of that man.
But above all that I was really happy meeting my friends, high school squad, who happened to be so busy that we keep re-scheduling our meet up and ended up doing it one on one, or in incomplete team. But no matter how busy we were, we tried to bring up our promise back then in my farewell night, that we should celebrate new year eve together, empty our schedule because it will be just for us. So yeah we scheduled that. I filled my head with expectation of going all crazy with them that night, eating like a bulldog.
However, I felt like we kind of lost the excitement along the way.. Like there should be more excitement in the air. But maybe our spirits has much evaporated, tired, as time dragging us to the end of year. But I know we are cool, we were just kind of tired of our own personal shit. I know from each of them telling me their life updates back then, and me myself. So yeah we kind of through a lot.. more mentally. So I tried to subside my ego.
I went to Vaza's house by cab. So glad to see her again.
That night came. We went to market and had my pal's brother smashed his dad's car for mistaken brake for gas pedal. We went in and bought some ingredients and stupidly fall to our economist broke student side to choose cheapest meat offered in the shop. We had fun, laughed around the jokes about diet, failure, and stuff like that. Basically trying to cheer up by turning our shitty and insecure part into personal yet safe inside jokes.
That night, we planned to fill up our drama-like night to watch firework from Vaza's rooftop, so we got up the rigid stair one by one, and had to fill our lungs with endless laughter for having our friend cursing and making all helpless sound on the way top. But that happens to everyone so fair enough.
We canceled plan of staying up there and went back down. We prepared all things to bake, and make a lot of jokes about it. All same old shit like we had in high school, and I could not lie that I had to become one of their joke, because my weight loss 2015 resolution failed to 180 degrees. I had to pay my cocky bitching statement six months ago with being all fine with this. Actually almost none of us accomplished the challenge except Boy, the currently body builder.
2015 pretty much slayed the rest of us.
At 2 or 3 am, we made another 2016 commitment recorded. It was Dino's plan with his own self in frame, but he kept forcing me to be in frame as well, with my not so-ready commitment. I was at the point where I did not want to deal with motivation or wise stuffs or commitment or new year new me kind of shit. I was in the state of my deepest numb state, and lowest self-care. But yeah camera was on so I had to say something.
kids (Vaza's cousins) were joining us for awhile
On 2nd January 2016, I got my flight delayed for five hours. We (Me and two of my roommates) changed our flight to 4 pm. My mom, who had become more clingy these past few days before I left, accompanied me to the airport with my brother. We (My bro and I) joked around in the car. Stupid jokes people would cringe as we'd laugh with our mouth wide open.
it was time for us to check in. So we went in and waved a goodbye.
After few hours, the airplane landed. I got this mixed up feeling about everything. About how things vanished so fast as I tap my feet on Changi Airport. the people and things I had in Indonesia seems getting more surreal. Indonesia and Jakarta itself seems surreal. But that's also what happened to Singapore in my mind when I went to Jakarta.
All things in past is so surreal.
Lisa, one of my Singaporean friend waited for us there and welcomed us with the warm hug and the word "I miss you". we went to our place.
We unpacked things. Few days after, I got this disease coming, it was a combination of sore throat and fever. I lost appetite. Things got in control within the few days of my sickness because I wanted to feel better. I thought this was my body reacting to the deadly eating habit I had within the past few months. I mean I had never been eating all proper, but the last four months were full of indulging and endless binge. No sane person would handled things the way I did.
I drank a lot of water and ate in moderation to shoo this disease away, I won't go to see doctor. Not here.
I know it's just year, it's just number. but one year is enough to reflect pretty much of things, how you handled shit, and how you progressed.
So.. 2015.
was a year I wish I could co back to, if not tidying things up, at least not screwing them.
2016.
I won't expect much, but I hope I can gather the pieces back up to face reality the way it is, and take care better of myself. I know things won't be easy in a blink of an eye, I know there is a lot of small steps I need to take to gather things back, I know it would take my patience and rob away my ego of instant result desire, but I hope I can get my first domino works fine.
in 9th January 2016, I woke up earlier for morning stroll and bring camera with me. This is the first time I ever got out of my place that early. Yeah first time in six months.
dim light, chill air, birds chirping
Mostly old people
Solemnly praying
I saw many people who walked past this temple would face their body to the temple as they made praying hand gesture.
The flowers they sold for prayer attribute
Have a great year ahead.
