Indonesian Artist Talk, Art is Pain in The Ass???

A few weeks before the show, I have been told by my friend, a fellow Indonesian year three sculpture student that she is going to translate the talk hosting three Indonesian artist. It is going to be held in Nge An Kongsi Gallery alongside with their works being exhibited, located in my campus.I was like, Holy mama you are so cool, Lija!

The day rolls in a blink of an eye and we came to that day. It has been my weird symptom to have anxiety feeling before talk started, even though I only present as an audience. I am not a very nationalist person though I'd thought human is human regardless the nation but I can't lie that having people from my hometown doing great job and being invited with honor gives me some pride.

the students were somehow very crowded at that time and as I know a few of them were obliged to come by their lecturer. The talk started and honestly it went a bit slow in the first 15 minutes because they talk slowly especially that being bilingual, you end up hearing two information repeated which is fun at some point yes. I could not help but laugh at some part watching my friend attempting her best to translate some overtly poetic words that even Indonesian can't figure out. Some of the students were Malay Singaporean and even though our language has a lot of differences, they get the talk and the joke. As the time went by the talk got more and more interesting.

It was said that three of them went through study in ISI Jogja (Jogja Institute of the Arts). They explained what's interesting being an art student there, the self identity crisis they went through and how they seek the answer from the works they were creating.

They said that Indonesian government are not as supportive as here in Singapore which we instantly agree on, yet there is a plus and minus point to that. Plus point is that the artist in Indonesia can have freedom as much as they want as long as it does not insult certain religion or cultural practice (yes religion is one sacred thing in public there). Indonesia is a huge land and very multicultural, the nudity approved in one place is being against hard a few yard away across the city border.

What I am getting from the show is that I think being an artist is one painful thing if you don't believe in what you're doing. It certainly applies to everything but being artist you risk your time to do something that doesn't give you steady income, and people (often) don't understand. You build or make things which can take up to years, handmade or factory made. There has to be strong reason that would push your will up to that level of hardwork which is really amazing for me.

on the gallery I previously gallery-sitted, the artist was said to had started the project since seven years ago and factored it in China sending them worldwide all the way.

how does that inspire your art practice?

for me I don't think I have that much of patience but who knows what will happen in future for now I just keep trying to stimulate myself to create and think aka distract my overreacting thoughts so at least its existence will make any good if muting it is one impossible thing . XP

We are not allowed to take picture of the artworks so I'll snap some from the catalogue given.

Singapore Night Festival

This is the second Singapore Night Festival I have attended and I should say that sometimes the company you are with make so much difference experience beyond what the event itself could offer. This time I went with fine arts student which I am pretty close with and it was all fun chit-chat and jokes I like the energy when I'm around people I am comfortable with but sometimes there was a moment where solitude is better when it comes to enjoying pretty and simple things. (in a way you are not rushing and rushed and distracted.)

Honestly it was all well managed I mean Singapore event just being Singapore event in which is great and very organized but it was also pretty crowded and people were sweating and expectation was in the air which does not always meet with the principle of simplicity and surprise that lies in "art". Am I projecting myself on people? Jeez, probably! However I am forever impressed with how organized everything is for the sake of comfort during this national art event, security was set in several places to make sure the crowds had reached the other side of road once the last three second of red man traffic light is ticking. They had to shout fiercely to people though sometimes which remind me that I am in Singapore. However it is still very impressive that government would support art and at the same time educate and entertain the the public this way. 

However my point of view probably is not that thorough for I have not been to all places. So who knows, since it would be held for several days I might make another new post with a total different vibe and experience once I make another visit. 

Yes it is understandable that it is not as easy to get absorbed in a room of arts as much as it is with these abundance of entertainment we can easily access on internet.

But seeing unique pretty thing and weird thing directly can make healthy connection for ourselves, I think.

Being foreigner, art student : Art and Money

The opening would be not much difference than me giving excuse for my lack of productivity. But this time I assume it is relevant with my next point. I write quite rarely because being an over-thinker I am, I sometimes think, who reads blog nowadays? What people read? And mostly now that I am a foreigner from Indonesia who study fine art in Singapore, the finance matter is something that keeps pressuring me down. So often times the works that I am making, I link that to how can I earn something out this. Why don't I spend my time working on  a more "commercialized" works instead.

Turns out it is either something that blocks your productivity, or the other way round, it made you create a lot of stuff, but still, under huge pressure and it might turn you unhappy and the worst of all, hating your own works. Unless you really don't care at all about money and stuff. But pretty sure most of international student do, because the tuition fees are coming from our parent's money sent from much lower currency to singapore dollar. Now don't ask me why did I choose Singapore, art school, and majoring in fine arts because it can make another one long post.

But these past few weeks has been quite intense for my thoughts. I saw Elizabeth Gilbert's book titled Big Magic in school library and grasped it in instance. I read it quite fast because it is pretty light. Honestly everything went just okay until it started mentioning the relation of creativity and finance. She preferred the idea that creativity should comes out from the artist genuinely (not in a raw way without interfere but in a way that the work was not made in pressured way). She said she used to work in a job that has no relation with writing at all. She invested an hour everyday on her writing, she thought about it between her day job. She also put some samples of other writers, artist, who do the same. Basically it is not that she is not supporting people to chase their dream job in a first place but she just kind of annoyed by the idea of starving depressed artist. I mean if someone still can maintain their sanity being broke and productive at the same time, then go ahead but it's not for everyone. And the idea struck me enough to get my head nodded fast.

At first I hesitated writing something about this just because I am not experienced enough. I mean I'm 19 years old girl with only a few experience of part time job, and serious art project so I am not there yet to put my own life as a sample. but I slapped my overthinking mind and said "it is just one blog post goddamnit, it might only be read by 5 people."

Anyway, I am just sharing the idea that I agree with and worth-trying. It suited my situation perfectly where in my first year, my fear of working with people (part-time job) got the better of me and ended me with the idea that I should be just focusing on my study only as I produce more works and earn money only from that scope of area. But turned out that time is ticking and I should find another alternative before it turned me into angry broke artist.

Also, the news of died people shaked me even more perhaps it's a sign that I have done nothing much with my life.

(sorry it went deep all of sudden)

And just about today, when we did gallery visit for investigating art class, I talked to one of my classmate, Ju-Lyn about the artist's profile that we were reading. And the talks went more broad into what did she do. She said she was actually a writer. It got me a wow feeling. I like to write too! And then she said that she self-published her works. wow. And then she had published some kind of magazine featuring several artist's works and distributed it for free. wow. and then she said that she work in a government kind of job that has no relation with writing. I asked her why would she spread the idea and the effort she put into for free? she said she was inspired by her visit back then to Jogja when she saw some artist doing art performance (or dance..) watched by the local people (she was the only tourist) in the rice fields. It made her think that to share your ideas, you don't need all the classy white wall and cold space. There are many other ways.
so it was amazing thing to know really, you can check her website and what she does here : www.meekfreak.com/

I don't know what is my next plan. The thing is it all just combined perfectly in my mind.

New Year New Me Sh*t, Friendship, and Flying Back Again

It is 13th January 2016. If I say that date a year ago, I'd jerked on how long it seemed to be, how faraway it would take to get here. I tend to like things happen instantly or shortly, so 2016 would seem like forever to go. But here I am, living a life in January 2016, looking back in surprise as if I had blackout through the whole year, as if I miss out the big party that it got me like "what..? what happened with 2015?"

Holiday in December back then in Indonesia was bittersweet. I had my dull time when I was alone, and ended up chatting to someone who surprisingly happened to be one my life support that time.

"whats up?"
"not much I have dull time"
"its your mistakes"
"I know"
"no, really"

he ended up telling me to not live a boring life in my age and gave me a glimpse of how he deal with his past life getting through all the mediocre life, to the point he is now, a rich ass man who'd confidently admit that woman gathers him like bees on honey. Yeah he is sort of that man.

But above all that I was really happy meeting my friends, high school squad, who happened to be so busy that we keep re-scheduling our meet up and ended up doing it one on one, or in incomplete team. But no matter how busy we were, we tried to bring up our promise back then in my farewell night, that we should celebrate new year eve together, empty our schedule because it will be just for us. So yeah we scheduled that. I filled my head with expectation of going all crazy with them that night, eating like a bulldog.

However, I felt like we kind of lost the excitement along the way.. Like there should be more excitement in the air. But maybe our spirits has much evaporated, tired, as time dragging us to the end of year. But I know we are cool, we were just kind of tired of our own personal shit. I know from each of them telling me their life updates back then, and me myself. So yeah we kind of through a lot.. more mentally. So I tried to subside my ego.

I went to Vaza's house by cab. So glad to see her again.

That night came. We went to market and had my pal's brother smashed his dad's car for mistaken brake for gas pedal. We went in and bought some ingredients and stupidly fall to our economist broke student side to choose cheapest meat offered in the shop. We had fun, laughed around the jokes about diet, failure, and stuff like that. Basically trying to cheer up by turning our shitty and insecure part into personal yet safe inside jokes.

That night, we planned to fill up our drama-like night to watch firework from Vaza's rooftop, so we got up the rigid stair one by one, and had to fill our lungs with endless laughter for having our friend cursing and making all helpless sound on the way top. But that happens to everyone so fair enough.

We canceled plan of staying up there and went back down. We prepared all things to bake, and make a lot of jokes about it. All same old shit like we had in high school, and I could not lie that I had to become one of their joke, because my weight loss 2015 resolution failed to 180 degrees. I had to pay my cocky bitching statement six months ago with being all fine with this. Actually almost none of us accomplished the challenge except Boy, the currently body builder.

2015 pretty much slayed the rest of us.

So yeah, we baked our food, and cursing on how gross the meat feels in our mouth. It's nothing like sate, it's more like eating cow's fat that you can feel almost no meat texture in your mouth. Price says it all, lesson's learned. But the rest is pretty amazing, and what mattered was not the set of new year plan we did that night. It was simply the presence of these people. The connection playing its part like we just met yesterday. like there was no months of doing our things separately as we adapted with new environment.

At 2 or 3 am, we made another 2016 commitment recorded. It was Dino's plan with his own self in frame, but he kept forcing me to be in frame as well, with my not so-ready commitment. I was at the point where I did not want to deal with motivation or wise stuffs or commitment or new year new me kind of shit. I was in the state of my deepest numb state, and lowest self-care. But yeah camera was on so I had to say something.

 kids (Vaza's cousins) were joining us for awhile

On 2nd January 2016, I got my flight delayed for five hours. We (Me and two of my roommates) changed our flight to 4 pm. My mom, who had become more clingy these past few days before I left, accompanied me to the airport with my brother. We (My bro and I) joked around in the car. Stupid jokes people would cringe as we'd laugh with our mouth wide open.

it was time for us to check in. So we went in and waved a goodbye.

After few hours, the airplane landed. I got this mixed up feeling about everything. About how things vanished so fast as I tap my feet on Changi Airport. the people and things I had in Indonesia seems getting more surreal. Indonesia and Jakarta itself seems surreal. But that's also what happened to Singapore in my mind when I went to Jakarta.

All things in past is so surreal.

Lisa, one of my Singaporean friend waited for us there and welcomed us with the warm hug and the word "I miss you". we went to our place.

We unpacked things. Few days after, I got this disease coming, it was a combination of sore throat and fever. I lost appetite. Things got in control within the few days of my sickness because I wanted to feel better. I thought this was my body reacting to the deadly eating habit I had within the past few months. I mean I had never been eating all proper, but the last four months were full of indulging and endless binge. No sane person would handled things the way I did.

I drank a lot of water and ate in moderation to shoo this disease away, I won't go to see doctor. Not here.

I know it's just year, it's just number. but one year is enough to reflect pretty much of things, how you handled shit, and how you progressed.

So.. 2015.

was a year I wish I could co back to, if not tidying things up, at least not screwing them.

2016.

I won't expect much, but I hope I can gather the pieces back up to face reality the way it is, and take care better of myself. I know things won't be easy in a blink of an eye, I know there is a lot of small steps I need to take to gather things back, I know it would take my patience and rob away my ego of instant result desire, but I hope I can get my first domino works fine.

in 9th January 2016, I woke up earlier for morning stroll and bring camera with me. This is the first time I ever got out of my place that early. Yeah first time in six months.

 dim light, chill air, birds chirping

 Mostly old people

 Solemnly praying

 I saw many people who walked past this temple would face their body to the temple as they made praying hand gesture.

 The flowers they sold for prayer attribute

Have a great year ahead.

Lukisan Buat Apa?

Mungkin orang-orang banyak bertanya, mengapa saya ambil jurusan seni rupa. Atau mengapa saya mau mendalaminya.

awal saya menempuh studi ini awalnya adalah karena saya melihat kesesuaiannya dengan kemampuan saya, dan saya pikir jurusan ini cukup fleksibel untuk diri saya dalam mengeksplor lebih banyak hal, di dalam maupun di luar seni lukis. Karena sebenarnya minat saya tidak hanya di dunia lukis.

Saya berpikir keras bagaimana cara mengkombinasikan seluruh minat saya, tapi akhirnya saya memilih untuk mengerahkan semua energi saya untuk fokus di dunia seni lukis, setidaknya selama tiga tahun saya studi.

Makin ke sini, saya makin berpikir, bagaimana seseorang bisa berkontribusi besar melalui gambar? salah satu lukisan termahal di dunia saat ini adalah lukisan berwarna solid biru. Hanya satu warna, dan sangat simpel. Bahkan banyak yang bilang oversimplified. Mengetahui hal-hal yang seperti itu, saya makin berpikir keras lalu sebenarnya tujuan besar apa yang ingin coba dicapai melalui lukisan?

 Barnett Newman, seharga 43 juta dollar.

Dulu semasa SMA, saya melukis hanya dengan bermodalkan ide kasar di kepala saya yang samar. Seiring dengan proses, intuisi bergerak menuju ide-ide baru yang tak terduga. Di situlah saya tidak bisa menahan untuk terus bergerak mengikutinya. Ketika ditanya pesannya apa, saya tidak tahu juga. Saya bisa saja membuat pesannya pada akhirnya, mengkait-kaitkan setiap gambar sebagai simbol ini itu. Tapi tetap tidak akan pernah bisa  mengungkapkan eksplorasi alam bawah sadar selama prosesnya. Alam bawah sadar pengalaman, khayalan, dan semuanya yang mengekspresikan dirinya melalui intuisi dan cara kerja yang tak saya pahami.

Ya sudah akhirnya di lain waktu saya mencoba untuk membuat karya yang lebih terkonsep, dengan pesan, dan maksud yang jelas. Namun setelah karya itu selesai, saya masih mendengar orang bertanya "itu maksudnya apa?"

berpikir lagi.

Tujuan saya apa sebenarnya.

Akhir akhir ini saya semakin sering mengunjungi pameran dan melihat karya karya yang simpel. Lama saya berdiri di depannya menduga duga maksudnya apa. Setelah saya merasa sebuah makna yang cukup masuk akal, saya membaca deskripsinya. namun deskripsinya mengatakan hal yang sangat berbeda. Saya bingung, dan bertanya tanya atas dua prinsip.

Lukisan itu untuk siapa? apakah ia adalah playground bagi seniman untuk dunianya sendiri?

atau kah ia sebuah pesan yang ingin di sampaikan pada masyarakat luas?
titik beratnya di dirinya sendiri, atau orang-orang yang melihatnya?

kalau orang baru mengerti lukisan setelah membaca deskripsi, atau dijelaskan, kalau begitu mengapa pesan itu tidak langsung ditulis saja?

Seorang teman datang berkunjung ke Singapura, dan kami berbincang di sebuah cafe kecil. Di saat saya masih kebingungan, Ia bilang,

"aku merasa orang jangan sampai terlalu nyeni. Karena kalau udah nyeni banget, dia lupa sama dunia real di sekitarnya dan tenggelam sama dunianya sendiri. Dia mikir kita gak ngerti seni, tapi ya memang begitu apa adanya orang-orang di dunia nyata"

di sisi lain, saya pernah membaca di sebuah kolom komentar, cerita seseorang membuat lukisan kakeknya yang sudah meniinggal. orang itu mengaku lukisannya jelek sekali, namun ia seringkali melihat neneknya terdiam lama melihatnya. Neneknya bilang lukisan itu menimbulkan sesuatu pada dirinya setiap kali melihatnya.

Jadi sebenarnya pertanyaannya adalah, seniman lah yang harus menyesuaikan karya nya pada orang-orang yang cara berpikirnya sudah begitu kompleks agar mereka bisa mengerti karyanya?

atauuu kah

orang-orang lah yang harus belajar melihat keindahan di dunia sekitar? keindahan dari benda-benda diam dan alam yang cukup bernapas dan bergerak pada tempatnya?

karena dunia kita didominasi kata kata dan instruksi jelas, siapa juga yang mau meghabiskan waktu memahami dunia visual, yang begitu abstrak?

Saya gak bisa jawab.

Saya melihat-lihat balik lukisan Agnes Cecile, salah satu pelukis muda yang karyanya tersebar luas di internet. Lukisannya indah, siapapun, baik yang mengerti maupun tidak mengerti dunia seni pasti menyukainya. Setidaknya banyak yang menyukainya, ada ataupun tanpa alasan.

Agnes Cecile

Akhirnya saya sampai pada sebuah kesimpulan. Mungkin bukan kesimpulan akhir, karena saya masih "anak kecil".

Saya ingin mempersembahkan lukisan yang indah. Dengan pesan dari saya sendiri dan untuk saya sendiri. Artinya lukisan-lukisan itu punya arti personal untuk saya sendiri, yang tak mungkin saya bagi pada orang-orang, karena mau seperti apapun maksud dan pesan dibaliknya, toh sebagian besar orang tidak akan menemui titik yang sama dengan yang saya maksudkan, karena kita beda. Pengalaman kita beda. Bukannya mau bilang orang-orang gak ngerti seni, tapi memang pada dasarnya gambar sangatlah luas untuk dikerucutkan pada satu pesan saja yang sama sama kita mengerti.

Jadi visi saya dalam dunia melukis, adalah untuk melahirkan bayi bayi baru (lukisan) yang menyajikan mata sesuatu yang menarik. Sesuatu yang memikat, dan membuat orang merasakannya, dibandingkan berpikir apa maksudnya. Sesuatu yang orang-orang tak harus tahu deskripsinya apa, tapi orang-orang bisa hanyut di dalamnya.

gimana? entah, itu lah eksperimennya.

Saya pun bukan tipe perasa. Bisa dibilang pemikir yang seringkali tersiksa oleh pikirannya sendiri yang terlalu banyak, dan sulit dkendalikan. Lukisan membantu saya untuk merasa. Maka saya melukis, agar orang-orang juga merasa. Tapi itu dari saya. Peran saya terhadap lukisan-lukisan saya cukup sampai tahap proses pembuatan. Tapi ketika ia sudah jadi dan dipajang, ia menjadi anak-anak pikiran orang-orang yang melihatnya. Ujung-ujungnya terserah juga.

gak berarti apa-apa yaa yaudah
berarti ya senangnyah.

Untuk sebuah pesan kompleks (dimensi yang berbeda), saya lebih memilih menulisnya, atau mengatakannya.

Yang penting adalah koneksi manusia, disesuaikan bahasanya dengan dimensi yang ingin dituju saja.

Suara Duniamu

Ketika pikiran mu beradu satu sama lain
untuk menunjukan apa yang benar
dan siapa
untuk menunjukan semua pandangan dirimu

kamu tunjukan kekecewaan mu sebisa mungkin
Ekspresimu mengutarakan semua
Kamu harap mereka menangkap
Kamu pikir mereka mendengar
kamu pikir mereka paham

Suara pikiran mu
yang kamu kira besar
hanya besar untuk mu
hanya menenggelamkan jiwa mu

ia bisu dari luar

mungkin mereka tau
tapi mereka tak sepeduli itu

Teman Datang dan Pergi

Aha udah lama tak membaca dan menulis, semoga saya masih bisa menumpahkan semuanya.

Pada blog ini, sekitar tiga tahun lalu saya menulis tentang perpisahan, bertepatan dengan momen kelulusan SMP. Pada saat itu, saya hanya punya bayangan mengawang tentang kehiupan SMA, bagaimana teman-temannya dan lain lain. Bagaikan halaman dua puluh satu yang begitu penasaran ada apa di halaman dua-dua.
Saya gak bagus urusan analogi he he.

Dan kini hal yang sama terjadi. Mungkin karena kita memang taku perubahan yang meloncat dari batu nyaman yang satu menuju batu lainnya yang tak kita tahu.

Kini, setiap kali membayangkan mau kuliah, saya sering bercampur aduk. Saya takut hubungan satu sama lain teman-teman dekat saya di SMA ini makin lama makin melonggar. Rasanya bahagia ketika terhubung dengan orang-orang dengan frekuensi yang sama, yang paham bahasa tanpa kata. Menyadari sesuatu, melirik satu sama lain, lalu tertawa keras bersama. Munafik kalau dibilang saya tidak mau masing-masing dari kita berubah, karena pasti kondisinya tak akan sama lagi. Kita  tumbuh. Semua akan sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing, semua akan punya misi besarnya masing-masing dan berupaya mengejarnya, bersama orang-orang lainnya yang sejalur. Saya sering memerhatikan orang-orang dewasa, dan hubungan profesional yang mereka jalankan. Hubungan ya sebatas profesionalisme dalam menjalankan misi bersama.

Saya sering mendengar cerita dari ayah saya, tentang teman-temannya di masa lampau yang kini sudah banyak yang menghilang. Mungkin ini soal zaman juga. Tapi di balik cerita yang diulang-ulang itu, tersimpan pelajaran bahwa semua ini bukan soal memiliki dan membawanya kemana-mana. Mungkin seperti dedaunan yang dijatuhkan  ke sungai, mereka berada di titik awal yang sama, namun mereka bisa mengalir dengan begitu berbeda, satu mendahului yang lain, satu tersangkut, dan sebagainya. Jadi ya, apabila saya nantinya tidak bertemu orang-orang kesayangan saya lagi atau intensitas nya jauh berkurang, namun serpihan kenangan, sifat-sifat mereka, cara mereka membuat saya merasa, dan melihat dunia, sadar tak sadar telah membentuk diri saya yang sekarang. 

Sebenernya sedih juga, karena hubungan yang terpintal kuat oleh frekuensi kecocokan yang misterius, serta putaran waktu yang dihabiskan bersama, akan berubah. Namun poinnya memang itu, kita harus terus bergerak, membentuk orang-orang baru, dan membiarkan diri kita terbentuk. Teman lama mungkin sudah pergi, atau tak lagi sama, tapi serpihannya selalu ada, bersama-sama tumbuh dengan saya melewati hari demi hari, bertemu dengan serpihan-serpihan lainnya.

Saya sendiri tidak tahu dengan berkata-kata begini sebenarnya saya sudah benar-benar siap untuk semuanya, atau saya hanya berharap saya siap. Tapi rasanya ketika semuanya sudah dijalani, tidak semenyakitkan yang kini dibayangkan. Karena sudah naturenya kita terus berjalan maju.

Meskipun begitu, saya percaya apabila kita berusaha menjadi orang yang membumi dan rendah hati, seberapa lama pun kita tak bertemu, jiwa kebersamaan yang pernah ada kembali menyala ketika berkumpul dengan kawan lama.